Well, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Actually, that's a lie. 1) I am procrastinating on a paper that I need to write and 2) I am (perhaps futilely) trying to keep this blog alive. For what reason, I have no idea.
I have, my dear readers, nothing to report though. Since I last wrote, I have traveled to school, gone to 95% of my scheduled classes, studied, volunteered, found a menial job doing useless things, and seen New Moon (yes, even I succumbed to it).
But I have a problem. A condition, if you will. And that condition is FutureLook. I am perpetually looking forward - to the next month, the next place, the next event that will change/define/create my life. I am constantly chiding myself to stay in the present, find things to be grateful for that are in the present.
Not that I don't notice and love the things I have - a lovely apartment in the best location I could ask for, the softest cat you've seen, access to innumerable resources (bless you, oh cities of the world), friends close and abroad...
Who knows, maybe someday I'll learn to look at the things I'm doing that moment and be as excited as I am about the things I might be doing three months from now. Maybe I just haven't found the thing that excited me enough to do that. Maybe it's just the I-want-to-be-done-here college jitters (can those start one semester in?). Or maybe, in the good ol'd American way, my condition can be medicated.
But for now, I will write my history paper about WWI in an effort to finish one more section of life. I will hang out with a friend and enjoy their company. I will bask in the rare sun that the gods of Portland have decided to give us low dwellers. And then I will get back online and read about opportunities that I might be eligible for in five years. Mmm, future.
